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worst day of my life [17 May 2007|02:39pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

May 14th, the worst day of my entire life.

Me, Brittany, and Serena tried to ditch lunch (5th period). We went out the back doors by the girl's locker room. We didn't get far before a white bus stopped and out came a white-haired guy narc. We turned around and started walking back inside, faster and faster. He started radioing other narcs. We ran inside and into the girl's locker room (because we knew he couldn't get in there) when he started chasing us. I opened my purse and tried to get out my bowl and dispose of it as fast as I could. I grabbed it and tried to throw it behind some clothes in my gym locker. As I was pulling my arm out, a female narc was in the locker room watching me. "You better get whatever you put in that locker right now or I'll empty the whole damn thing." That's what she said. I freaked out. I grabbed all the clothes in my arms and dropped them on the floor. She picked up the bag with my bowl and weed inside and unzipped it. Right when she saw it she radioed somebody else and took me to the Dean. I freaked out. They made me take my shoes off, they dumped my whole bag out. I was having a panic attack, I was crying so hard.. they thought I was high. They called in a nurse to do a check. She flashed a flash light in my eyes, listened to my heart, and took my blood pressure. They tried to say that my eyes were extremely dialted and my blood pressure was high. Why in the world would they do all of those things while somebody's having a PANIC ATTACK? It didn't make any sense, it made me freak out even more. I tried to tell them that I wasn't, but they SHHed me and talked over my voice like it was non-existant. They found Solma's in my purse, too.. which I got from Korey. I was suspended for 10 days and arrested. The cops walked with me down the hall before they handcuffed me. They cuffed me right before they put me in the paddywagon. I went in alone and we rode all the way to the downtown Aurora police station. It was dark in the paddywagon, I've never been arrested before in my life. They took mugshots and my finger prints when I got to jail. They put me in a holding cell by myself. I've been at home, suspended for 3 days so far. Korey is going to break up with me, he hasn't been there for me at all. I call and see if he wants to see me but he makes up lies or excuses, reasons to say no. I'm going to go to Liden Oaks and get a drug assessment so I can come back to school in 5 days. I go to court June 14th.

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I look alive, but I'm dead inside. [18 Feb 2007|06:26pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Life hurts, you know? It was bad, then it got better.. but it still hurts. Deep down, it'll always hurt with all I've lost. But to think of all I gained... I'm with Korey again! I'm mostly just tired of people thinking they know who I am but they don't. Thinking that I smoke all day and all night and that's all I do, and it's all a lie. My mind set has been: If people can't accept me for what I do, than they can't accept me period.. and why hang out with people who don't like who you are? I smoke because I like to smoke. It's not a hobby, it's not my form of anti-depressant, it's just something I do for me and it's not even a big deal. Korey and I got back together, and it's been going pretty well. We've gotten a lot closer. I can honestly say that I didn't love him before. I thought it was love, but it was just a strong infatuation. What we have now still isn't "love" love, but it's developing into something like love. I think love takes time, it can take a whole lifetime. Some people look their whole life for love and they still don't find it. It's already second semester, what an experience this year has been. The friends I've lost, new passions, self-discovery, learning from other people, pushing away the people who only bring me down and finally having enough strength to do it all.

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[21 May 2004|04:54pm]
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